Our old friend, John, recently retired and, to help fill his days, now accompanies his wife on her shopping trips to the local Walmart.We know John and, therefore, can only speculate that extreme boredom has led to his recent disruptive behavior at the local WalMart...**********************************************************
Dear Mrs. Volo,Over the past six months, your husband, John has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against John have been compiled and are listed below.
Mr. Wally WorrywartPresidentWal-Mart Complaint Department MEMORe: Mr. John Volo - Com plaints - 15 Things Mr. John Volo has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:
1. June 15, took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2, set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals
.3. July 7, made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19, walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3 in Housewares..." and watched what happened.
5. August 4, went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14, moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15, set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23, when a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4, looke d right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10, While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the anti depressants are.
11. December 3, Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6, In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18, Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"(And; last, but not least!)15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
GUYS,YOU REALLY NEED TO READ THIS ONE!!
This is on you will repeat I am sure !! From the old Grandpa!!
A young Nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.
The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car, two men watched her from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said:
"I know that the Lord turned water into wine, but if that car starts, I'm going to church every Sunday for the rest of my life."
A young Nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.
The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car, two men watched her from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said:
"I know that the Lord turned water into wine, but if that car starts, I'm going to church every Sunday for the rest of my life."
Thursday, June 15, 2006
HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL YOU GUYS , BE YOU,, FATHERS , GRANDFATHERS,
SONS , SON-IN-LAWS, UNCLES ,.GOD FATHERS,, ANY GUY WHO LOVES A CHILD!
OKAY NOW TIME TO FEED THE FISH!! HOW DO YOU LIKE MY FISH POND?
SINCE MY DOG DIED , THESE ARE THE ONLY THINGS I HAVE TIO THINK ABOUT FEEDING!!
OH, NO I FORGOT THAT STUPID PARROT !! HAVE A GREAT FATHERS DAY,,, FROM JUST OLD GRANDPA!!
SONS , SON-IN-LAWS, UNCLES ,.GOD FATHERS,, ANY GUY WHO LOVES A CHILD!
OKAY NOW TIME TO FEED THE FISH!! HOW DO YOU LIKE MY FISH POND?
SINCE MY DOG DIED , THESE ARE THE ONLY THINGS I HAVE TIO THINK ABOUT FEEDING!!
OH, NO I FORGOT THAT STUPID PARROT !! HAVE A GREAT FATHERS DAY,,, FROM JUST OLD GRANDPA!!
Monday, June 12, 2006
PROMISE,if you read this you will say-- YEH!!!!
Somebody definitely needs a raise!!!
A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah, I was a salesman back in Minnesota."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow, I'll come down and after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came to see him, "How many customers >bought something from you today?
The kid says "One". The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20-30 customers aday.
How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65, and that included the proper taxes.
The boss says, $101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then I sold him a larger fish hook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department an sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK? Is that right?"
The kid answered, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said,
"Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing."
A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah, I was a salesman back in Minnesota."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow, I'll come down and after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came to see him, "How many customers >bought something from you today?
The kid says "One". The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20-30 customers aday.
How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65, and that included the proper taxes.
The boss says, $101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then I sold him a larger fish hook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department an sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK? Is that right?"
The kid answered, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said,
"Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing."
Monday, June 05, 2006
THE LAUGH FOR THE DAY!! Fathers Day is coming soon!!
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?******
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"-*****
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself," *******
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all. "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids. ******
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." ********
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder 1.. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records.*******
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute.." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.*********
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan." *******
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink." *****
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?" Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."*******
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one.
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"-*****
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself," *******
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all. "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids. ******
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." ********
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder 1.. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records.*******
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute.." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.*********
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan." *******
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink." *****
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?" Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."*******
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
SALE ! SALE ! FATHERS DAY SALE!
Hello to every one,,, glad you stopped by to check out my spot!!
I have , just in time for FATHERS DAY lowered the prices on my die cast cars.
I am clearing out my collection, they are all in boxes and not used.
i hope you all had a safe mmemorial day week end, "Old grand pa" stayed home.
best place for me!! (laughing) can get in no trouble here.
Well, I guess thats about all for now, you take care and check out the cars
you will be surprised at some of them. These are the ones you only see
at car shows now adays. But, back in the "DAY" They were the thing to have .
Have fun,,,, Grandpa!
I have , just in time for FATHERS DAY lowered the prices on my die cast cars.
I am clearing out my collection, they are all in boxes and not used.
i hope you all had a safe mmemorial day week end, "Old grand pa" stayed home.
best place for me!! (laughing) can get in no trouble here.
Well, I guess thats about all for now, you take care and check out the cars
you will be surprised at some of them. These are the ones you only see
at car shows now adays. But, back in the "DAY" They were the thing to have .
Have fun,,,, Grandpa!
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